Did you attract him or did you invite him in? What’s the difference? It’s so easy to say that you attract the wrong guys: the bad guy, the egoistic one, the married one, the cheater, the loser, the one who brings you down or the abuser. Men come and go, making their marks on your soul; some linger, some try to come a little too close, others march in with dirty feet.

Their footprints are either washed away with time or remain painful reminders forever. It’s like losing a limb and still feeling the pain; the soul can be like that after losing someone. That’s life. Did you attract it or did you let it happen? Attracting bad guys happens when you accept that you’re a victim and you just let things run their course. You let uninvited guests come and go. You attract them because subconsciously you want to be with them. You become open to whatever he offers and you take whatever he gives you. But it comes at a price. A guy like this has a special ability to turn up at his perfect timing, taking everything he wants. He knows when you’re down and hungry for attention, he can smell immaturity, weakness or your willingness to please others from miles. Would you let him take control? Would you let him deceive you? Would you drink his poison only to become addicted to him? Why would you do that? Do you not know how to say ‘no’? You have the right to say ‘no’. You don’t have to become a toy, a masochistic lover, a victim or an abused wife.

You need to learn a lot, experience things, make mistakes, fall apart and put yourself back together. Almost-love is not love, it’s just a relationship-like thing that never matures, never blooms truly. It doesn’t have what it takes to fly, it’s just a shadow of the real thing. In an almost-love relationship, you never know how to define it, you don’t give it your all, you’re not a 100% in it. It’s only purpose is to help us avoid loneliness until real love comes around. A relationship like this makes you stay a little longer you first wanted, it slows you down and makes you numb. And life goes by. I’ve learned to refuse it.

You need to see a lot, and feel even more. You deserve the best and you’re just wasting your precious time on something that’s not real. There are life lessons that stand the test of time. For instance, if someone really wants to be with you, they’ll do everything in their power to keep you close. If you’re important to them, they’ll make sure you know that. If you constantly doubt your mate’s feelings and it leaves you unsure, you’re not with the right man. It’s that simple. And it’s your decision only whether you let him closer – it has nothing to do with fate or laws of attraction.

Without honesty and clarity, we end up living on our own islands, separated from each other. All it brings is pain, plus it’s a total waste of time. Love and respect are priceless. If someone cannot give you these, they don’t deserve you. Your self-worth is a force to be reckoned with. You’re not a charity, or a nice girl you can order online, nor are you just a nice thing to look at. You don’t have functions he can select, you’re not for sex, for cooking or for events. Say ‘no’ to playing games, you don’t need to exist to please him. Games are just a cheap substitute for real intimacy.

“I’m swamped right now” is the excuse of cowards. If you’re really important to someone, they can never be too busy for you. Yes, life is busy but you have time for what you make time for. So when he says “I couldn’t get back to you, I was so swamped”, you should be alarmed. It means you’re not that important, he’s not really invested in this relationship.

Oh, and one more thing: if you want answers, you need to ask the questions. You don’t need to be in agony for hours on end. There’s no need for all sorts of conspiracy theories; you don’t need to find reasons for his hypothetical affairs, nor is there a need for crying over the supposed death of your relationship. Just ask him. Ask him about why he feels so emotionally distant, why he wouldn’t get back to you; just ask him. You’re not going to get answers if you don’t ask.

“All women who feel worthless should go back in time to find themselves. You need to go back to recover your lost your dignity, your pride, your self-esteem and to discover your core values. Go back to a time when you had the strength to stand up and fix your crown. Oh, yes, those were the days… Most of us don’t even know what it feels like to be the only one for someone.”

You might love someone only to realize that love, in fact, does not conquer all, and there are a thousand things that stand in the way of your happiness. Being ‘the other woman’ is, more often than not, a charity to spice up a burnt out man’s love life while you’re degrading yours. It leaves you with a version of yourself you can’t even recognize any more. It’s not for the sensitive, it’s not for those who want to guard their hearts. ‘The other woman’, though her physical needs are satisfied, is fated to die of hunger – hunger for love.

All women who feel worthless should go back in time to find themselves. You need to go back to recover your lost your dignity, your pride, your self-esteem and to discover your core values. Go back to a time when you had the strength to stand up and fix your crown. Oh, yes, those were the days… Most of us don’t even know what it feels like to be the only one for someone.

Do you attract him or do you invite him in? The choice is always yours.

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