Women are not after bad boys. Neither do we dream of adult-size, emotionally distant, immature, anti-commitment man-boys pulling our hair or lifting up our skirts like they do in school. We’re not after a free ride on an emotional roller coaster with all its highs and lows and all the adrenaline rush that comes with it.

There’s no good in being lifted up if it means falling down as soon as he finds a more interesting, sexier or younger girl, and we end up covered in bruises. A bad boy is not a man. We don’t seek to be taken advantage of, we’re not after aggression, self-doubt, emotional instability or being someone’s lover, nor do we want men to waste our time.

Women are not masochists, we want real men. We’re over dangerous-looking bad boys. Most of us have outgrown them – those who have not, can have all the bad boys they want. Bad guys are just shadows of real men who like to use and manipulate women; men who lie and play with girls pretending to be emotionally unavailable. They are not men, they are merely loud alpha males, stupefying testosterone bombs. Our toxic attraction to bad guys is rooted in times when we were young girls sitting at a bar, playing with our hair, laughing uncontrollably, thinking what would make us feel pretty is riding a convertible with the manliest man ever. But we grew up, became much smarter and more intentional, and we just know better. We’d do everything to avoid these adventure-seeking macho men. Bad boy addicts are usually in it for the adrenaline rush, it’s like doing extreme sports; it’s usually girls who love the drama of it all, the pains and aches of the all the highs and lows. But brace yourselves, girls, these guys vanish faster than vapour.

Those of us who can spot bad guys from miles away, including the married one, the egoistic, the abusive, the anti-commitment guy, the vanisher or all the addicts, find real man attractive. A lot of men complain saying they’re just too good for women because women are cruel and they’re after guys who bring them pain, or that they’re after looks and don’t care about inner beauty. It’s not like that at all, we know what we want and we can instantly spot the good ones. We know the difference between boys and men. So what is it that we want? What makes us run away in like five minutes? Men dealing with serious self-doubt, who just want to be with someone for the sake of being with someone.

These are men who are just too much from the very beginning: they become too attached too soon, they care too much, they fall in love way too easy and they’re are always there. They’re calling you all the time, just to check on you; they message you every thirty minutes, they’re the jealous type. They change their relationship status after a couple of weeks of seeing you. In this case, less could be more; it’s nice to have that anticipation, that uncertainty in the beginning. Such men are unsure of themselves, they’re unable to make decisions on their own, they never say ‘no’, they avoid conflicts and have no boundaries. They’re like unloved puppies, always trying to please someone.

Unmanly men usually have financial problems and they are not afraid to let you know – not even on the first date. They might go into details about why they’re unemployed or have a huge debt, and they blame everyone but themselves, even though all they do is sit around doing nothing to change the situation. They might be beautiful souls but all a girl sees is a pile of problems lying in front of her. A real man can stay composed even when he’s gone bankrupt for his success, charisma and humility are not rooted in his money or his circumstances; it’s about who he is. An unmanly man, however, lacks autonomy and is unable to live on his own. He does not have deep, meaningful relationships, he doesn’t know what to do with his free time; he’s waiting for her to be entertained.

A real man can break out of his comfort zone, he ventures out and he’s not afraid to try something new. His secret lies in owning everything he is, everything he does. He’s open and ready to take on the world – a world that promotes the survival of the fittest; a world that is not for the weak, the apathetic or the unmotivated. It’s for the strong, the assertive, the go-getters. And that’s the kind of man women want.

• men and women real men relationships

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