I wasn’t strong enough

I must admit, I wasn’t strong enough for you. I didn’t know you must face your demons; only you can do that. I would do anything for you but it would all be for nothing. You must overcome your own darkness.

I wasn’t strong enough for you then and there. I couldn’t leave you. Sometimes it’s just not the right time to have somebody by our side.

I wasn’t strong enough to be gentle the way you needed me to be. There is a way of touching another person without actually touching them: the gentle ways of a woman, a caring thought that surpasses space and time.

I wasn’t strong enough to let you fall. I just wasn’t. In fact, if you really think about it, falling is just like rising up but the other way around. In life, people need no go through both.

I wasn’t strong enough not to tell you how much I adored you. I was not strong enough to keep silent. I know now what a treasure silence is. I was not patient enough not to tell you and you were not ready to hear it.

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to not to look at you in awe. I wasn’t strong enough to close my eyes when I should have – sometimes seeing something so clearly hurts your innocent soul.

I must admit, I wasn’t strong enough to see that nothing could take away the gift we were given: the gift of finding ourselves. I couldn’t understand it, no one had explained it to me; I had to become a woman this way. You thought you were hurting me but you were actually helping me learn.

I wasn’t strong enough to understand that real strength is not like an out-of-control fighter; real strength is more like gentle and patient teacher.

My beloved, I thank you for throwing me away and letting me fall for in the deepest place I learned what unconditional love is.

But you must know that there are doors only one person has the key to. It’s yours and yours alone. And it’s open now and it will always be open. I can’t make any promises and I don’t expect anything but you must know that there’s a door for you here. You can come in and you can choose to leave. There is no lock on this door anymore. And if time, destiny, God or your soul lead you here, you’ll know you can come in. We can’t make it any worse.

Others might not need this kind of strength for you. But I’m not them. This is our story.

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